Domestic Violence Relationship Questions

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer 'yes' to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look.

Does your partner:
  1. Embarrass you with bad names and put-downs?
  2. Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
  3. Control what you do, whom you see, whom you talk to, or where you go?
  4. Stop you from seeing or talking to friends and family?
  5. Prevent you from getting or keeping a job?
  6. Take your money, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?
  7. Make all the decisions?
  8. Expect you to be perfect and to fulfill every need?
  9. Blame you for problems and mistakes?
  10. Tell you that you're a bad parent or threaten to take away your children? Act like the abuse is no big deal, tell you it's your fault, or say it didn't happen?
  11. Destroy your property?
  12. Threaten to hurt or kill your pets?
  13. Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
  14. Shove you, slap you or hit you?
  15. Force you to drop criminal charges that you have filed?
  16. Threaten to hurt or kill your children?
  17. Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
  18. Threaten to kill you?
  19. Expect you to serve, obey and remain at home?
  20. Admit to hitting partners in the past?

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:
  • You express your opinions less and less freely. You feel as if you are walking on eggshells, and must be very careful of when and how to say something.
  • You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.
  • You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior.
  • You feel emotionally unsafe. You feel it is not okay to talk with others about your relationship. You hope things will change...especially through your love and understanding.
  • You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.
  • You doubt your own judgment.
  • You doubt your abilities.
  • You feel vulnerable and insecure.
  • You are becoming increasingly depressed. You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.
  • You have been or are now afraid of your partner.
  • Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.
If any of these apply to you, you may be in an abusive relationship.

Call this free, confidential hotline:1-800-799-SAFE (7233)  

Reprinted and revised with permission from the Family Violence Prevention Fund.